Growing Up

Wow it has been a really long time since I last posted. I'll try to get you caught up on everything that has been going on. I have panic attacks and I am on meds for that. Also I am going to start taking counseling ( which I am less than thrilled about but realize I need it. ugh.) I am now working at Chick-Fil-A which is actually going very well. I like the people I work with and the work isn't too hard.

Basketball is almost over. Tomorrow is our last game of the season. There were not enough girls able to go to Nationals so we went to state instead. They played very well against some pretty tough teams. I really have enjoyed coaching this season but I hope I get to play next season. I miss playing.

Growing up is hard. I never thought about hard it would be to grow up. When you are a little kid you don't think about things like bills, car repairs, rent and paying for your own food. Now that I am at the age where I actually have to start thinking about those things, growing up seems slightly overwhelming. Ok actually a lot more than slightly. Then I have all he emotional and physical junk going on and that just adds more pressure. Life is tough and at this point it seems its only going to get harder. Does it ever get better? Or do you always have to strive just to be ok?

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Ever feel like you can't take anymore? That if one more bad things happen you'll just fall apart and crumble? That is how I feel. It seem the last 3 months have just been one thing after another. First the panic attacks, then what the doctor thought was gastroenteritis, then what they thought was gastritis, then we found out its probably an ulcer, then other problems since I was taking antibiotics, now I have no clue what is wrong with me, just that we don't know and I get to go visit another doctor. It could be anemia, it could be more panic attacks, it could be some unknown disease that I got from worry about all the diseases I think I have! Who knows? All I know is that I am absolutley sick of being sick and tired. I'm ready to move on, to gather what I can from this experience and get on with my life. Apparently God has other things in mind...

Senior Year

So this year I am a senior in high school. How weird is that? Time seems to be moving faster the older I get. In 24 days I turn 18 and become an "adult." Some how I don't think I am going to be very a good adult for my first year. I'm pretty sure I'll still act like a teenager.
In a way I miss being a kid. I could just play around and do whatever popped into my head with my friends. I watched a video I, my brother and my cousins made a little while ago. I miss those days when Courtney and I would put our heads together and come up with crazy sketch ideas that we would video. It was so much fun. But now it feels as if those days have passed me by, even though that was only back in April. It seems much longer than that some how.

I know the future isn't going to be all bad. I know God has some pretty good things in store for me. And I am looking forward to those. I just am realizing that I'm never going to be a kid again. and I feel like i'm losing something in that. Some form of innocence, of curiosity, of wonder at the world around me. When you become an "adult" you are required to start thinking "logically." You have to face facts and deal with those facts. There is not much wonder and mystery in paying bills.

I just don't want to those that sense of wonder and mystery that I get from the world around me. It makes me think of that verse in the Bible where Jesus says we have to become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven. I think he said that because we have to have faith in God to do things we can't see or understand. Children are good at believing and having faith without asking questions. I want that kind of faith.

Boys....

So it seems to me as if everyone and their dog is getting a significant other! ok maybe not the dogs but the people definitely are. Courtney and Deanna are now both taken as well as Melanie and various other people i know. Only 2 of my close friends do not have boyfriends. Its sad. I kinda wish i was still 10 when the only thing you had to worry about with boys was them coming over to bug the daylights out of you. I would almost go back to those days in an instant, almost.... I would not want to have to go through all the other things in life. But I miss just hanging out with the girls. Now all they want to do is hang out with their guy. They keep telling me I'll be singing the same song soon but I don't believe it. I won't be singing that song for at least the next couple of years. It gets tiring when all they can say when i complain about them having bfs is that pretty soon i'll have one too. That seems like a lame excuse to me. no offense. i mean on friday alone i had 7 different people tell me that soon i will get a guy! I'm convinced it is a conspiracy! So you guys might as well fess up.... :) And DON'T YOU DARE try setting me up!! Yes Courtney i'm talking to YOU!

What I am Optimistic about

I am optimistic about the future, my life in years to come. I am looking forward to when I can graduate and go to college (although that is also a little scary). When I graduate college and start a job, is something I am also optimistic about. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for my life. I hope he uses me to touch people in a way that will lead them to him. I am still not exactly sure what he wants me to do. I could be a photographer, a book editor, a children's pastor, a youth pastor, a missionary to Mexico, a basketball coach, the possibilities are endless! Which is also kind of frustrating because I have no clue what I want to do or what I am supposed to do.

Something else I am optimistic about is going to Heaven. I think it will be great to see all my family members that have already gone, like my Grandma Haney,Great Grandma Scammon, Grandma Myrna, Grandpa, and my baby brother. I think it will be awesome to see Jesus, face to face.That will be the most awesome and amazing moment in my life.

What "the early bird gets the worm" means...

The expression "The early bird gets the worm" is one I have heard often. It seems to be a favorite saying for morning people. :) As to what it means, I think there are several meanings to it. I think that it means that if you get up early and work then you will get things sooner than people that are lazy and wait around. If you want to get the good things in life then you have to get up early and work for them. I think it could also mean that if you get to things on time then it will pay off. If you procrastinate and put it off then you might have to work twice as hard to get it done on time. And if you do not get something done on time that was important, then there could be severe consequences. That is definitely something my family needs to learn. We are always late to things. We are sort of getting better about that though. I personally am not an early bird. I am a night owl. So here is a saying I thought up. "The early bird gets the worm, but the night owl gets the mouse."

Blue Hair

So I've been thinking about dyeing my hair with stripes of blue and pink. It's not that I don't like what color my hair is now ( it's natural brown), I just want to try something different. Tomorrow I'm going to ask a guy from our church who is a hairdresser about it. I'm hoping he can give me some suggestions as to what to buy and where to put it in my hair.

In my free time

I like to take pictures, listen to music, or read books in my free time. It depends on how the weather is and whether or not I have a good book on hand. Sometimes I can do two of them at the same time. But if it is a really good book I can not listen to music at the same time because then I can not stay focused as well on the music and I wind up with a headache. So normally I just do one at time. I take pictures as well in my free time. I love to go outside and take pictures of the sunsets or make Courtney and Bobby pose for pictures. They are good models. They could probably make a living at it with all the times I have made them pose. ha ha.


I also spend a lot of time on the computer. But it is not really a hobby. It is just something I do if I do not have a good book and can not take pictures. I am also on a lot for school. Obviously I have to post blogs once a day. I also check my email daily. So that is what I do in my free time

Yes I know I'm a dork..

Lately it seems to me that everyone thinks it is their duty to tell me just how much of a dork I am. I know I'm a dork, I'm doing me dead level best to change that. But there is only so much I can change without looking like an even bigger dork. For instance, Aunt Laura laughing at me (as usual)about the way I typed my last blog.
I try to sound sophisticated whenever I write, but that normally backfires, into me sounding like a five year old trying to describe something in such a way, that no one has any clue what on earth they are talking about. This happens to me often. Whenever I try talking about something that I find interesting I get weird looks. Even from Courtney, who can at times, tell exactly what I'm thinking.
It gets annoying. Maybe I'm the comic relief for the people around me. I guess that's a purpose. I don't mind making people smile, but I would prefer that it would be because I did something nice, not because I did something stupid. Oh well. At least I know how to laugh to myself. :)