Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Ever feel like you can't take anymore? That if one more bad things happen you'll just fall apart and crumble? That is how I feel. It seem the last 3 months have just been one thing after another. First the panic attacks, then what the doctor thought was gastroenteritis, then what they thought was gastritis, then we found out its probably an ulcer, then other problems since I was taking antibiotics, now I have no clue what is wrong with me, just that we don't know and I get to go visit another doctor. It could be anemia, it could be more panic attacks, it could be some unknown disease that I got from worry about all the diseases I think I have! Who knows? All I know is that I am absolutley sick of being sick and tired. I'm ready to move on, to gather what I can from this experience and get on with my life. Apparently God has other things in mind...

Senior Year

So this year I am a senior in high school. How weird is that? Time seems to be moving faster the older I get. In 24 days I turn 18 and become an "adult." Some how I don't think I am going to be very a good adult for my first year. I'm pretty sure I'll still act like a teenager.
In a way I miss being a kid. I could just play around and do whatever popped into my head with my friends. I watched a video I, my brother and my cousins made a little while ago. I miss those days when Courtney and I would put our heads together and come up with crazy sketch ideas that we would video. It was so much fun. But now it feels as if those days have passed me by, even though that was only back in April. It seems much longer than that some how.

I know the future isn't going to be all bad. I know God has some pretty good things in store for me. And I am looking forward to those. I just am realizing that I'm never going to be a kid again. and I feel like i'm losing something in that. Some form of innocence, of curiosity, of wonder at the world around me. When you become an "adult" you are required to start thinking "logically." You have to face facts and deal with those facts. There is not much wonder and mystery in paying bills.

I just don't want to those that sense of wonder and mystery that I get from the world around me. It makes me think of that verse in the Bible where Jesus says we have to become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven. I think he said that because we have to have faith in God to do things we can't see or understand. Children are good at believing and having faith without asking questions. I want that kind of faith.

What I am Optimistic about

I am optimistic about the future, my life in years to come. I am looking forward to when I can graduate and go to college (although that is also a little scary). When I graduate college and start a job, is something I am also optimistic about. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for my life. I hope he uses me to touch people in a way that will lead them to him. I am still not exactly sure what he wants me to do. I could be a photographer, a book editor, a children's pastor, a youth pastor, a missionary to Mexico, a basketball coach, the possibilities are endless! Which is also kind of frustrating because I have no clue what I want to do or what I am supposed to do.

Something else I am optimistic about is going to Heaven. I think it will be great to see all my family members that have already gone, like my Grandma Haney,Great Grandma Scammon, Grandma Myrna, Grandpa, and my baby brother. I think it will be awesome to see Jesus, face to face.That will be the most awesome and amazing moment in my life.

Going to Revolve

Today we are going to Revolve in Oklahoma City with the girls youth group. It should be fun. I am excited about going. The only sad thing is that Nicole and Melanie are not going. Nicole has a basketball game and Melanie is going to Silver Ball at her school. We tried to talk them into going but it did not work. I still do not know who I am riding with or who I am rooming with. It should be interesting to find out how many girls are going.

I am really looking forward to hearing Chad Eastham speak. I bought one of his books with my birthday money. It is really good. It is called "Guys like Girls Who...". In it he talks about why guys like girls and that guys like girls who are themselves.
I am also really excited about seeing Hawk Nelson in concert! That will be awesome! Also Group 1 Crew, Krystal Meyers, and Natalie Grant are doing concerts.166 Some of the other speakers are Jenna Lucado (Max Lucado's daughter) and Danielle Kimmy (whom I have never heard of). I am so glad I get to go because I did not think I would be able to go becauase of money problems. But I talked to Robbie about it and there was a scholership available. I was happy about that. :) So now we just have to go meet everyone at church.

Funeral

We went to my grandpa's funeral last week. It was nice for a funeral. There were a lot of people there that love my family. And of course my family cried but I think everyone is ok. My grandma is handling it pretty well. I think she handled it better than some of my aunts. We went down there the day of the viewing and got there in time to eat and then go to the viewing. The next day was the graveside and then the memorial. We had the graveside first because my grandpa didn't really want a service, so we buried him first. My mom said (jokingly) that he wasn't invited to his own funeral. Which isn't exactly the case but it is kind of true. I think it's kind of funny. We all know that now he is in heaven with Jesus and that he is a whole lot happier there then he was here.

To Auntie:
This is my 50 word one for last week if that's ok.

Describing God

I'm supposed to describe something in 50 words for school so here it goes:
God is love. Love is indescribable, so is God. We know love because we know God. God is light. He has no darkness in Him. God is compassionate. He gives us second chances when we don't deserve them. Just read the story of Jonah. To put it simply, God is amazing.

Chaos in my life

So we found out yesterday that Grandpa has Merca ( i think that's how it's spelled) which is a blood infection that is very hard to get over. He also has pneumonia and his lungs still have liquid in them. It will take another 24 hours to know whether or not the antibiotics are working.

This week is just complete chaos. We have had basketball and play practice almost every night. Tonight I have a bball game and then right after the game we have to book it to dress rehearsal for the dinner theater. We had to do the same thing on Tuesday only we missed half the game. I was not very happy. But Nicole and I talked to Liz because we both have games today and got her to move dress rehearsal to 7:30 instead of 7. And yesterday I just kind of broke down at church. I guess I needed to. I talked to Dyane and that helped some what, but mostly what I need to do is get things straightend out with God.