Summer 2010

Sheesh I am really bad about keeping up with this thing. Maybe I should set an alarm on my phone or something to help remind me to update it once a week instead of once every six months.

There are quite a few things that are new in my world. We have a new dog whose name is max. He is a chewnie which is a mix of a Chihuahua and a Dachshund. He has 4 times the amount of energy Buddy ever had and he loves people. His favorite thing to do is get up in people's laps and lean against them and lick their ears. And he LOVES to run! I think he would run all day if we would let him.

Another thing that is new is that I have a handle on my panic attacks and its not a daily fight to not have one. I don't think about them as often. I am still going to counseling to deal with some of the the issues that brought them on in the first place, but I am much more stable emotionally.

I should be graduating in December if all goes according to plan (you know how that goes). I am doing the Alpha Omega online Academy so someone other than family will be teaching me. I think that is probably a change for the good.

I have also made some awesome new friends this summer. I got really close to Sammie and Jessica at camp this summer. Sammie and I are a lot alike in that we both have panic attacks and we both are pretty withdrawn in new crowds. Jessica and Sammie are pretty much long lost sisters and it is hilarious to see them interact. I love hanging out with them. They always help left my spirits. We are having movie nights because there are soo many movies Sammie has not seen including the Princess Bride! I don't know how its possible for no one to have seen that movie. I think it is on of the best of all time!

Growing Up

Wow it has been a really long time since I last posted. I'll try to get you caught up on everything that has been going on. I have panic attacks and I am on meds for that. Also I am going to start taking counseling ( which I am less than thrilled about but realize I need it. ugh.) I am now working at Chick-Fil-A which is actually going very well. I like the people I work with and the work isn't too hard.

Basketball is almost over. Tomorrow is our last game of the season. There were not enough girls able to go to Nationals so we went to state instead. They played very well against some pretty tough teams. I really have enjoyed coaching this season but I hope I get to play next season. I miss playing.

Growing up is hard. I never thought about hard it would be to grow up. When you are a little kid you don't think about things like bills, car repairs, rent and paying for your own food. Now that I am at the age where I actually have to start thinking about those things, growing up seems slightly overwhelming. Ok actually a lot more than slightly. Then I have all he emotional and physical junk going on and that just adds more pressure. Life is tough and at this point it seems its only going to get harder. Does it ever get better? Or do you always have to strive just to be ok?

Senior Year

So this year I am a senior in high school. How weird is that? Time seems to be moving faster the older I get. In 24 days I turn 18 and become an "adult." Some how I don't think I am going to be very a good adult for my first year. I'm pretty sure I'll still act like a teenager.
In a way I miss being a kid. I could just play around and do whatever popped into my head with my friends. I watched a video I, my brother and my cousins made a little while ago. I miss those days when Courtney and I would put our heads together and come up with crazy sketch ideas that we would video. It was so much fun. But now it feels as if those days have passed me by, even though that was only back in April. It seems much longer than that some how.

I know the future isn't going to be all bad. I know God has some pretty good things in store for me. And I am looking forward to those. I just am realizing that I'm never going to be a kid again. and I feel like i'm losing something in that. Some form of innocence, of curiosity, of wonder at the world around me. When you become an "adult" you are required to start thinking "logically." You have to face facts and deal with those facts. There is not much wonder and mystery in paying bills.

I just don't want to those that sense of wonder and mystery that I get from the world around me. It makes me think of that verse in the Bible where Jesus says we have to become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven. I think he said that because we have to have faith in God to do things we can't see or understand. Children are good at believing and having faith without asking questions. I want that kind of faith.

Boys....

So it seems to me as if everyone and their dog is getting a significant other! ok maybe not the dogs but the people definitely are. Courtney and Deanna are now both taken as well as Melanie and various other people i know. Only 2 of my close friends do not have boyfriends. Its sad. I kinda wish i was still 10 when the only thing you had to worry about with boys was them coming over to bug the daylights out of you. I would almost go back to those days in an instant, almost.... I would not want to have to go through all the other things in life. But I miss just hanging out with the girls. Now all they want to do is hang out with their guy. They keep telling me I'll be singing the same song soon but I don't believe it. I won't be singing that song for at least the next couple of years. It gets tiring when all they can say when i complain about them having bfs is that pretty soon i'll have one too. That seems like a lame excuse to me. no offense. i mean on friday alone i had 7 different people tell me that soon i will get a guy! I'm convinced it is a conspiracy! So you guys might as well fess up.... :) And DON'T YOU DARE try setting me up!! Yes Courtney i'm talking to YOU!

Prom

On friday I went to homeschool prom with my cousins Courtney and Brian. It was a lot of fun. At first I didn't really want to go because I really didn't see me having that much fun. I can't really dance all that well and I do not like being in awkward social positions. But it turned out all right. A lot of my friends from basketball were there so I hung out with them. And as it turns out nobody really knew how to dance either, so I was not out of place. There was a lock in at a local church afterwards and that was a lot of fun too. We stayed up the whole night. Everbody was soooo tired by 8 am! We played a very different version of spoons that turned into a scavenger hunt. We also played carpet ball,basketball, air hockey, and we played with these cool hover disc things. All in all it was an awesome night.

What I am Optimistic about

I am optimistic about the future, my life in years to come. I am looking forward to when I can graduate and go to college (although that is also a little scary). When I graduate college and start a job, is something I am also optimistic about. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for my life. I hope he uses me to touch people in a way that will lead them to him. I am still not exactly sure what he wants me to do. I could be a photographer, a book editor, a children's pastor, a youth pastor, a missionary to Mexico, a basketball coach, the possibilities are endless! Which is also kind of frustrating because I have no clue what I want to do or what I am supposed to do.

Something else I am optimistic about is going to Heaven. I think it will be great to see all my family members that have already gone, like my Grandma Haney,Great Grandma Scammon, Grandma Myrna, Grandpa, and my baby brother. I think it will be awesome to see Jesus, face to face.That will be the most awesome and amazing moment in my life.

Post for Friday... today

So I was really supposed to post this on Friday but I did not. So I am writing it now, but I am writing it about yesterday, which would have been impossible on Friday. Just thought I'd warn you. :)

Yesterday was a good day. I went to the early service at 9, so that I could help with the preschoolers in the second service at 11. They are so much fun to work with. Most of the kids in there have to be there for all 3 services because there parents work at the church. So by the time I get there, they are ready to go home. But they are a good group of kids. I look forward to helping out every Sunday.

After church we went home and ate lunch. Courtney cooked noodles and chicken. It was good. Then about 3:15 Melanie came and picked up me, Courtney and Bobby and we went and hung out over there. Courtney did homework with Melanie helping her and Bobby and I just hung out. Then us three girls went to Bible study. It had been since before Christmas since we had last met so it was nice to get it started again. Then afterwards we stopped by our house and got my school work and then went back to the Sprouse' house. So all in all it was a good day.

Blue Hair

So I've been thinking about dyeing my hair with stripes of blue and pink. It's not that I don't like what color my hair is now ( it's natural brown), I just want to try something different. Tomorrow I'm going to ask a guy from our church who is a hairdresser about it. I'm hoping he can give me some suggestions as to what to buy and where to put it in my hair.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was good this year. We have definitely been blessed this year. We are living in a house and not a trailer, we have an awesome church family who is always there for us, and so many other things. Also we are able to come down here and see my mom's side of the family. So Thanksgiving was ok. On Saturday my mom went to go see my grandpa and he was in a lot of pain, so they took him to the hospital. The doctors don't know what's wrong with him and he can't talk. My mom drove back down last night. The doctors give 3 to 10 days to live. Please be praying for our family.

The weekend

This weekend my mom went with our church to Women of Faith.
She had a good time I think. Courtney and I are going to go to the teen girls version in January
called Revolve. It will be fun. While mom was at that, at home we were pretty busy. On Friday night we went with Melanie to see her school play, which was good. Then afterwards we went to her house and hung out. The doughtery's were there. We played mad gab, it was funny. We stayed there until around midnight then we we went home.
On Saturday we had play practice and it turns out that Courtney does get to be in it. One of the girls had to drop out so she is going to play Nancy. Then yesterday we had church, then play practice from 2-4, then Daniel's birthday party. It was a pretty good day in all. I cannot wait for the dinner theater! It's going to be so much fun performing it.

More thoughts...

So I've been thinking about what I wrote on Tuesday and I think that maybe God let me go through that stuff so I could learn humility. I am not very good at humility. I haven't made a lot of mistakes that other people have so I tend to look down on them. I know I've made mistakes, I need to learn that just because other people's mistakes seem worse than mine, doesn't mean that they are worse than mine. In fact I'm pretty sure most of them are equal. I thought when I was younger that I was above other teenagers because I thought I knew more. WRONG! I really didn't know as much as I thought I did.
I've definitely learned that the hard way. I pretty much learn everything the hard way. It's like I don't pay attention when God's trying to teach me using the easy way. It seems only the hard way gets my attention. Why is that? Is it because I'm a fallen human? Is it because I'm stubborn and hardheaded when I want to be? Is it because I hate being wrong? It's probably all of those.

Right now it seems I'm learning to wait. Waiting on my knee to heal, waiting to learn what God wants me to do, and waiting for that special one. I can normally handle waiting. But long term waiting drives me crazy. A week before Christmas I start feeling antsy. Then two days before I'm ready to get it over with. Then on Christmas Eve I'm ready to explode. Watching the basketball game last night I so wished I was out there playing. It was making me crazy. Especially since we weren't playing that well. And then I had to leave early to go to play practice. And it turns out that I could've stayed and finished watching the scrimmage because we didn't even start practice till 8. And half of the cast wasn't even there. I was not happy.

I guess I'm just frustrated because I don't know what's going to happen with all these things. If I'm going to get to play bball when I want to, if I'm going to graduate on time, if I'm ever going to make all the changes I need to, if I'm ever going to make close friends at church, if I'm ever going to be the person I need to be and if I am ever going to find out what my purpose is. I know I have one, I just don't know what it is yet. And that drives me crazy. I just wish I knew where I am supposed to be going and what I'm supposedto be doing. Because right now I feel like I'm just stumbling around in the dark.

D-Now and Thoughts on Marriage

D-Now was really good this weekend. I learned a lot. The whole weekend was about purity, Joel was the speaker. He did a very good job I thought. It really made me think. On Friday night we washed each others feet. It was awesome! Robbie went around and washed every ones feet and then he gave us the opportunity to wash each other's feet. It was soo cool!

We had our church fall festival on Sunday so all the youth group worked it. That was our mission for the weekend. It was really cold. So Brittney and I were shivering because we were doing tattoos. Our hands were really cold from putting them in the water. But other than that it was a good weekend.

I got to see Courtney on Sunday. It's been fun having her live with us. I'm so glad she came. She is doing OK on the bball team. She just has to get in shape and she'll be awesome.

Lately everyone (well not everyone but quite a few people) have been teasingly telling me that in 5 or 10 years I'm going to marry this one guy. They are teasing me and being serious at the same time. But I don't think I will. Just because somebody finds you interesting doesn't mean that you have enough of a relationship to base the rest of your life together on. That's Disney movie thinking. Granted it would be hilarious if I wound up marrying him, but I don't think it's going to happen. I mean God may plan for me to marry someone else. I'm only 17 and while it would be nice to know who I'm going marry, God doesn't work like that. I think that if we knew in advance, we wouldn't grow into the people we need to be. If we already knew everything we were going to go through, there would be no point of living. If you think about it, life would be very boring. So God knew what He was doing when he made us to live in the present only.

So I think for now I'm just going to be friends with boys. There's no point in getting too emotionally involved at this age. It's just a waste of time and energy, that could be spent on better things. Like doing what God wants me to do. I need to focus on that right now.

Weekend

This weekend is crazy! There are so many things going on in our family. Courtney is moving here and my parents have to go pick her up in OKC tomorrow. Aunt Laura is going to Michigan until Monday so Uncle Steve needs Bobby's help with the kids this weekend. And I'm going to D-Now at our church this weekend. Bobby would be going too if Uncle Steve didn't need him. So it's crazy.
I almost wish I wasn't going to D-Now because I don't get to see Courtney until Sunday. But I'll survive. I know God wants me to go to D-Now, but I kind of wish I could go with my parents and pick up Courntey. I'll just have to trust God and know that He knows what he's doing.

Boredom

For being a "cripple" I sure am getting around. I have play practice 3 times a week, I'm putting together photo pages for the bball website, trying to do school,trying to be helpful ( I'm not doing very well at that I'm afraid), and now I'm in the Christmas play. I'm very busy for someone who has trouble getting around.

I'm ready to burn or bury or somehow destroy those stupid crutches! They are very annoying!! And I'm also sick of the knee immobilizer! I will be so glad when I can finally get rid of them. It's kind of getting annoying when people come up and say " oh what happened?"

I mean don't get me wrong, I know they are just trying to be nice and I appreciate that. But after the 30Th time someone comes up and asks that I'm ready to get a bullhorn and just announce it to the whole world " I DISLOCATED MY KNEE CAP PLAYING BASKETBALL OK!!" *sigh* I think this time of annoyance is probably from me being left to myself during the day with nothing to do. I mean I could be doing something productive, but I don't. Yet another thing I need to work on. It seems lately that a lot of things have come to my attention that I need to work on, for example: Being more productive and not so stinkin' lazy! Growing up which means facing and thinking about things in a more mature way, doing the things I know I should and not doing the things I know I shouldn't. It's all very frustrating,

Courtney will be here in 4 days!! YAY!! Maybe she can help kick me in gear. I hope so, cause I need some help!

My dumb knee

On Tuesday at bball practice, I dislocated my kneecap...again. This is the 3rd time I have done it. So now my parents are making me go to the doctor. I do not like doctors. It's nothing against them personally. I think it's great that people can get help with their medical problems. But personally for me, I don't like them. They always find a reason to stick a needle in me. And I HATE needles!! I guess you could say I have a phobia of needles, and maybe doctors too.

Maybe this is God trying to teach me to trust him more. Cause I'm not the best at that. But if it is why did he have to pick one of my biggest fears? Couldn't he have done taught me some other way? I guess that's a stupid question to ask since He's God and knows everything. I'd probably not get the point if it had been something else. Just please pray that I have peace and that nothing is seriously wrong with my knee.

The JB

Practice went well yesterday. Nobody threw up, and really there was no gasping for breathe. Coach just had us station drills which isn't too hard. The rest of practice went well also. We have almost every body back this season, except for the seniors obviously. So we should do OK this year. We have a tall team this year (for once!!).
There are 5 girls altogether that are considered tall. We'll probably all be posts.

I cannot wait for Courtney to move here!! She'll be here in about a week and a half!!
She is also going to play bball with us. It should interesting. So now instead of talking on the phone all the time, I'll be talking to her in person all the time. She really like the Jonas Brothers, so they are a common topic of interest. We are probably going to the Dallas/Fort Worth area for Thanksgiving because that's where my mom's family lives. And I found out that the JB ( A.K.A the Jonas Brothers) are playing the half time show for the Dallas Cowboys game on Thanksgiving. It's almost impossible to get tickets to the game, but Courtney was just excited about being in the same city as them. I told her she was crazy. I said I would probably be excited if it was the same room, but the same city? I mean, seriously! She needs to find a boy that she can actually talk to. Instead of some boy she can only listen too.

Burned Biscuits

Last night was very.... interesting. Brittney, Ashton, and Holden all talked. Brittney talked about how we need to be patient. Ashton talked about not conforming to the world, and Holden talked about not giving in to peer pressure. They all did pretty good.
When I told the Eric and Holden about Courtney moving here they didn't respond the way Courtney wanted them too. They were both like" oh really? that's cool. She's cool." So now they are OK with her coming. I think it's funny.

So today I fixed lunch for the little people. I was making mini pizza's, so i was making biscuits and i accidentally burned them. I didn't burn them bad, they were just a little browner than what they should be. But the smoke detector went off and Kaytie and Nate ran out on the Balcony cause of the noise. When it stopped they came back in and Kaytie said to me " Thanks for burning out school Lizzie." And she keeps bringing it up! While they were eating she said to me " Now I know how to make mini pizza's. You get biscuits, burn them ( aunt Laura had to cover her mouth and walk away so she didn't bust out laughing) and then put tomato sauce and cheese on them." I guess that's what she'll always remember me for, burning the biscuits.

She's Moving!!

YAY!!! I'm SOOOO EXCITED!!! Courtney is moving HERE in three weeks!!!!!! I can't wait!! It's going to be so much fun! She is moving earlier so she can play basketball with us. It's going to be awesome! My dad is going to go pick her up in OKC. I don't get to go though because that is the same weekend as D-now. But that's ok because that leaves more room in the van for her stuff. ha ha.

Christmas and Fireproof

Courtney and I were talking today and making plans for Christmas this year. So now the family ( or most of it anyways) will probably be coming to our house for Christmas!! How awesome is that?! I can't wait! It will be fun.

So I went and saw Fireproof this weekend. I really enjoyed it. I got to see it Friday night and Saturday afternoon. I thought to myself while watching it Friday " how awesome has God made America that we can watch a Christian movie in a public movie theater? that Christians can come together and celebrate our values in front of everyone? and that the Salvation message can be shared with everyone?" I think that God has blessed us immensely!

Yes I know I'm a dork..

Lately it seems to me that everyone thinks it is their duty to tell me just how much of a dork I am. I know I'm a dork, I'm doing me dead level best to change that. But there is only so much I can change without looking like an even bigger dork. For instance, Aunt Laura laughing at me (as usual)about the way I typed my last blog.
I try to sound sophisticated whenever I write, but that normally backfires, into me sounding like a five year old trying to describe something in such a way, that no one has any clue what on earth they are talking about. This happens to me often. Whenever I try talking about something that I find interesting I get weird looks. Even from Courtney, who can at times, tell exactly what I'm thinking.
It gets annoying. Maybe I'm the comic relief for the people around me. I guess that's a purpose. I don't mind making people smile, but I would prefer that it would be because I did something nice, not because I did something stupid. Oh well. At least I know how to laugh to myself. :)