More thoughts...

So I've been thinking about what I wrote on Tuesday and I think that maybe God let me go through that stuff so I could learn humility. I am not very good at humility. I haven't made a lot of mistakes that other people have so I tend to look down on them. I know I've made mistakes, I need to learn that just because other people's mistakes seem worse than mine, doesn't mean that they are worse than mine. In fact I'm pretty sure most of them are equal. I thought when I was younger that I was above other teenagers because I thought I knew more. WRONG! I really didn't know as much as I thought I did.
I've definitely learned that the hard way. I pretty much learn everything the hard way. It's like I don't pay attention when God's trying to teach me using the easy way. It seems only the hard way gets my attention. Why is that? Is it because I'm a fallen human? Is it because I'm stubborn and hardheaded when I want to be? Is it because I hate being wrong? It's probably all of those.

Right now it seems I'm learning to wait. Waiting on my knee to heal, waiting to learn what God wants me to do, and waiting for that special one. I can normally handle waiting. But long term waiting drives me crazy. A week before Christmas I start feeling antsy. Then two days before I'm ready to get it over with. Then on Christmas Eve I'm ready to explode. Watching the basketball game last night I so wished I was out there playing. It was making me crazy. Especially since we weren't playing that well. And then I had to leave early to go to play practice. And it turns out that I could've stayed and finished watching the scrimmage because we didn't even start practice till 8. And half of the cast wasn't even there. I was not happy.

I guess I'm just frustrated because I don't know what's going to happen with all these things. If I'm going to get to play bball when I want to, if I'm going to graduate on time, if I'm ever going to make all the changes I need to, if I'm ever going to make close friends at church, if I'm ever going to be the person I need to be and if I am ever going to find out what my purpose is. I know I have one, I just don't know what it is yet. And that drives me crazy. I just wish I knew where I am supposed to be going and what I'm supposedto be doing. Because right now I feel like I'm just stumbling around in the dark.