Growing Up

Wow it has been a really long time since I last posted. I'll try to get you caught up on everything that has been going on. I have panic attacks and I am on meds for that. Also I am going to start taking counseling ( which I am less than thrilled about but realize I need it. ugh.) I am now working at Chick-Fil-A which is actually going very well. I like the people I work with and the work isn't too hard.

Basketball is almost over. Tomorrow is our last game of the season. There were not enough girls able to go to Nationals so we went to state instead. They played very well against some pretty tough teams. I really have enjoyed coaching this season but I hope I get to play next season. I miss playing.

Growing up is hard. I never thought about hard it would be to grow up. When you are a little kid you don't think about things like bills, car repairs, rent and paying for your own food. Now that I am at the age where I actually have to start thinking about those things, growing up seems slightly overwhelming. Ok actually a lot more than slightly. Then I have all he emotional and physical junk going on and that just adds more pressure. Life is tough and at this point it seems its only going to get harder. Does it ever get better? Or do you always have to strive just to be ok?

If All the Streets were Rivers

If all the streets were rivers, then there would be many more boats than cars. Cars would become obsolete. We would not have cars anymore. The car engineers would be boat engineers and they would design the boats like they do cars now. I imagine we would have luxury boats with every thing imaginable and we would also have old junker boats that parents got their kids. Instead of getting your drivers license you would get your boating license. You would hope for a new boat for your sixteenth birthday instead of a car. I think boats would be somewhat smaller than they are now because of the narrowness of the rivers. We would have compact boats and I guess we would have boats that are kind of like SUV's. We would still have the huge shipping boats because there would still be an ocean.

Parking lots would become docks and harbors. I am not sure if we would still have traffic lights or if we would have to invent something else. We would not be able to create as many new rivers because that would be a lot harder than just building a new street, but then again we would not have to spend so much time repairing rivers as we do streets. It would be very interesting if we had rivers instead of streets.

If Cows Gave Root Beer Instead Of Milk...

If cows gave root beer instead of milk I think a whole lot more people would drink root beer. And really root beer would not have been called root beer if cows gave it. It would be milk to us. But if cows gave root beer instead of milk a lot more people would be constantly hyper, the calves would probably more rambunctious too. And instead of being lactose intolerant, people would be carbonation intolerant. There would not be chocolate or strawberry milk though. There could be cherry and vanilla milk because the would just add in the syrups like they do now. If cows gave root beer instead of milk, we would not have cottage cheese, butter, sour cream, ice cream, milkshakes, cheese, cream, buttermilk (which I do not think any one would miss), whipped cream, or eggnog. We would lose the whole food group of dairy, it would just be one item, not a group. Just imagine not being able to eat an ice cream sandwhich on a hot day. We would not be able to make cakes or do any baking because we would not have butter or milk. I wonder what a cake would taste like if it was made with root beer milk. That would be an interesting experiance. And if cows gave root beer instead of milk... would that mean that goats gave Dr.Pepper?

Snow

I really don't know what to write today. My mind is blank about what to write.
I hope it snows this winter. I would love if we got like a foot of snow. That would be awesome! As long as it doesn't snow over Thanksgiving. We are going out of town for Thanksgiving and that would stink if it were to snow while we were gone. I would feel gypped.

More thoughts...

So I've been thinking about what I wrote on Tuesday and I think that maybe God let me go through that stuff so I could learn humility. I am not very good at humility. I haven't made a lot of mistakes that other people have so I tend to look down on them. I know I've made mistakes, I need to learn that just because other people's mistakes seem worse than mine, doesn't mean that they are worse than mine. In fact I'm pretty sure most of them are equal. I thought when I was younger that I was above other teenagers because I thought I knew more. WRONG! I really didn't know as much as I thought I did.
I've definitely learned that the hard way. I pretty much learn everything the hard way. It's like I don't pay attention when God's trying to teach me using the easy way. It seems only the hard way gets my attention. Why is that? Is it because I'm a fallen human? Is it because I'm stubborn and hardheaded when I want to be? Is it because I hate being wrong? It's probably all of those.

Right now it seems I'm learning to wait. Waiting on my knee to heal, waiting to learn what God wants me to do, and waiting for that special one. I can normally handle waiting. But long term waiting drives me crazy. A week before Christmas I start feeling antsy. Then two days before I'm ready to get it over with. Then on Christmas Eve I'm ready to explode. Watching the basketball game last night I so wished I was out there playing. It was making me crazy. Especially since we weren't playing that well. And then I had to leave early to go to play practice. And it turns out that I could've stayed and finished watching the scrimmage because we didn't even start practice till 8. And half of the cast wasn't even there. I was not happy.

I guess I'm just frustrated because I don't know what's going to happen with all these things. If I'm going to get to play bball when I want to, if I'm going to graduate on time, if I'm ever going to make all the changes I need to, if I'm ever going to make close friends at church, if I'm ever going to be the person I need to be and if I am ever going to find out what my purpose is. I know I have one, I just don't know what it is yet. And that drives me crazy. I just wish I knew where I am supposed to be going and what I'm supposedto be doing. Because right now I feel like I'm just stumbling around in the dark.

Thoughts

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff recently. Today I have been 17 for a month but I still don't feel any different than when I was 16. It's kind of funny because I remember thinking when I was 13 or 14 that I was so much smarter than other teenagers. That I knew more about life and what I was going to do. That I wasn't going to have the same problems as other teenagers. Now that I'm 17 I've discovered that I've pretty much gone through the same temptations and had the same problems as other teen girls, even with guys.
When I was younger I always told myself that I wasn't going to be boy crazy like all those other teenage girls. I wasn't going to waste my time thinking about a dumb boy. And for the most part I wasn't boy crazy. I mean I would like someone every now and then but I wouldn't ever talk to them or acknowledge that I liked them.
But It's like as soon as I turned 16 BAM! I started noticing guys more. I started thinking about them excessively. And I'm still doing that. It's annoying. I want to go back to the attitude I had before. Which was that I wouldn't even think about guys until college. I know I need to spend more time thinking about God and not guys. It's hard to control our thoughts though. My verse for the week is 2 Corinthians 10:5 " We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I want to be able to live that out. I want people to be able to look and me and know that I'm not all caught up in drama or realationships. But for now that's not true. I may not be caught up like other girls are, but I still struggle with my thoughts. Having to memeorize a verse every week is starting to help though. I think that I am changing, it's just taking longer than I want it to.

D-Now and Thoughts on Marriage

D-Now was really good this weekend. I learned a lot. The whole weekend was about purity, Joel was the speaker. He did a very good job I thought. It really made me think. On Friday night we washed each others feet. It was awesome! Robbie went around and washed every ones feet and then he gave us the opportunity to wash each other's feet. It was soo cool!

We had our church fall festival on Sunday so all the youth group worked it. That was our mission for the weekend. It was really cold. So Brittney and I were shivering because we were doing tattoos. Our hands were really cold from putting them in the water. But other than that it was a good weekend.

I got to see Courtney on Sunday. It's been fun having her live with us. I'm so glad she came. She is doing OK on the bball team. She just has to get in shape and she'll be awesome.

Lately everyone (well not everyone but quite a few people) have been teasingly telling me that in 5 or 10 years I'm going to marry this one guy. They are teasing me and being serious at the same time. But I don't think I will. Just because somebody finds you interesting doesn't mean that you have enough of a relationship to base the rest of your life together on. That's Disney movie thinking. Granted it would be hilarious if I wound up marrying him, but I don't think it's going to happen. I mean God may plan for me to marry someone else. I'm only 17 and while it would be nice to know who I'm going marry, God doesn't work like that. I think that if we knew in advance, we wouldn't grow into the people we need to be. If we already knew everything we were going to go through, there would be no point of living. If you think about it, life would be very boring. So God knew what He was doing when he made us to live in the present only.

So I think for now I'm just going to be friends with boys. There's no point in getting too emotionally involved at this age. It's just a waste of time and energy, that could be spent on better things. Like doing what God wants me to do. I need to focus on that right now.

Boredom

For being a "cripple" I sure am getting around. I have play practice 3 times a week, I'm putting together photo pages for the bball website, trying to do school,trying to be helpful ( I'm not doing very well at that I'm afraid), and now I'm in the Christmas play. I'm very busy for someone who has trouble getting around.

I'm ready to burn or bury or somehow destroy those stupid crutches! They are very annoying!! And I'm also sick of the knee immobilizer! I will be so glad when I can finally get rid of them. It's kind of getting annoying when people come up and say " oh what happened?"

I mean don't get me wrong, I know they are just trying to be nice and I appreciate that. But after the 30Th time someone comes up and asks that I'm ready to get a bullhorn and just announce it to the whole world " I DISLOCATED MY KNEE CAP PLAYING BASKETBALL OK!!" *sigh* I think this time of annoyance is probably from me being left to myself during the day with nothing to do. I mean I could be doing something productive, but I don't. Yet another thing I need to work on. It seems lately that a lot of things have come to my attention that I need to work on, for example: Being more productive and not so stinkin' lazy! Growing up which means facing and thinking about things in a more mature way, doing the things I know I should and not doing the things I know I shouldn't. It's all very frustrating,

Courtney will be here in 4 days!! YAY!! Maybe she can help kick me in gear. I hope so, cause I need some help!

the first day of basketball

Basketball starts today! It will be interesting to see how it goes. Most of the girls have been playing volleyball so they will be in shape, but those of us that don't play any other sports will probably be gasping for air most of practice. I just hope I don't throw up.


Bobby also starts practice today. He can't even stretch without going outbursts like " ouch! This hurts!" or " dude I'm out of shape!" Hopefully he doesn't tear a muscle today. That would stink for him.

Aunt Laura has tendency to go around the house singing nonsense songs, well most of them are nonsense. They rest are just songs that she has changed to the words too. It's quite amusing.