one of these days

I've been thinking lately and have come to the the realization that i have no clue who i am or who I'm supposed to be. It's kind of frustrating, not knowing who you are. When i was a younger i thought i knew exactly who i was until someone challenged that, and then i would just change what i thought of myself and think that was me. Who are we? I mean really. are we just spirits? just souls? just sinners? i mean i know the Bible answers but nobody i know seems to embody those principles. And I know i don't. I know i should. I'm such a hypocrite. I hate being a hypocrite. I want to change that. But i don't really know how. I need to pray about it. I feel like I'm in a tug of war between what i want and what God wants. Some times i just get tired of waiting. Waiting for everything. I feel like I'm waiting on life to start when i know it already has. Everyone tells me that being different is not a bad thing. It feels like a bad thing. I know it's not but some days i just want to be normal. I guess God calls us to something greater than just normal. I just have to believe that in the end, as long as i do what God wants me to, it will be worth it. The waiting will be worth it. One of these days.

Not to play

So I prayed about it and decided that i shouldn't play volleyball. I mean it's ok and all but I much prefer basketball. In Volleyball there are a lot of picky rules. In basketball it's basically don't hit anybody too hard and don't move your feet when you're not dribbling. Pretty easy if you ask me. With Volleyball there are these rules about how you have to hit the ball, how many times you can hit the ball, where exactly you should be on the court, and a bunch of other nit picky rules. Everyone said i was good for never having had played before. But I think they were just trying to be nice.


Last nights game(s?) didn't go so well. We lost 3 times in a row. The first set was the best one. Savanna is a really good setter. She is also the only setter on both the middle school and high school teams. I think she is also the shortest person on both teams. But she also has a killer serve. But besides her only Elaina and Kensi on the high school team knew what they were doing. The rest of us didn't know what was going on half the time. Taylor HAS to play volleyball this year because Elaina made a deal with her: if she would play volleyball Elaina would play 3 games of paintball. Taylor came up with that. After last night she was wishing she had made Elaina promise to play more. She hates volleyball. She is a basketball type of person. Thankfully she is also playing bball for us.


I cannot wait until basketball starts! It's my second to last year to play. I just can't believe I'm almost a Senior. It seems like just yesterday I was a Freshman. Every thing is just going by so quick. It reminds me of that verse in Psalm that says " Every man's life is but a breathe." How very true. In two years I will probably be starting college. I will probably have to find a part-time job that pays at least minimum wage. ( sorry Uncle Steve but i can't stay at the flower shop forever!) I'll probably still live at home though. I want to go to AC before i go to a big university. And when i do go to a big university I want to go where Courtney is going(sorry Aunt Laura & Mom! I can't stay at home forever!) . Unless of course God tells me to go somewhere else. Which is highly possible. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

To play or not to play...

that is the question. I'm not really sure if i should play volleyball or not. I'm very confused. I guess i need to listen more closely to what God is telling me. Because i need to know by tomorrow!

Youth tonight was really good. I always enjoy youth. I'm glad God has blessed us with FLF. I'm starting to actually have friends so that's nice. :) And we might be starting a girls Bible study soon. That would be awesome!

Mime

So this weekend I signed up to be a mime. It should be interesting. Our performances will be on October 4th and 5th. Which kind of stinks because the 4th is my birthday. So I'll just have to have my party that Sunday afternoon. I still have no clue where I'm going to have it. I can't think of any where I can have it that would fit all the people that I want to invite. Because I'm kind of tired of having it at the park. But I might have to have it there. Oh well.

Currently I'm trying to talk Bobby into praying about playing keyboard for the youth band, but he says he doesn't want to do it. I don't know why. It's not like God's going to punish him for praying about it. I just don't understand him. Or any boy for that matter. I guess I'll just leave him alone for now.

Youth

So youth was good. We didn't have worship because Robbie is working on the cafe which also doubles as the sound booth. So the sound system wasn't set up. Everyone messed around until about 8'o clock, when Robbie started his lesson. It was a really good one. It was on Philippians 4. He talked about how school is our mission field, since we are in school. I don't really know how to apply it to me because I really don't have anyone to witness to in my school. I mean I know I'm already saved and I'm pretty sure I don't have another personality. Pretty sure.
Afterwards Melanie and Jacob played against Robbie and Eric in ping pong. It was hilarious! They were smack talking and jumping up and down. You'd think it was the Olympics or something. We stayed so late our parents got worried about where we were. Once we told them they were fine. So all in all it was a pretty good night.

school and work

So this week I started school. It's going ok. I'm glad Aunt Laura is teaching us this year because I'm pretty sure if she wasn't I wouldn't be getting any school work done this year. No offense to my parents but they can't seem to be able to check up on our school work whenever they are supposed to be teaching us. It was getting annoying. Hopefully I'll get caught up this year. And even if I do get mostly caught up I'm probably going to have to do school in the summer. Ugh!
I'm working this week also. If doing school and working gets to be too much then I'm going to quit working. School is more important right now. Today is really slow though, so I'm doing school in between answering the phone. And tonight my dad will hopefully be home, so maybe he can help me with math. Because that is most definiatly my worst subject. I probably should get back to work now.

Galveston Trip

This month has been crazy! I've been gone for a week and a half. It was nice to have a vacation before school started. We went to Denton to celebrate my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. It was neat. My grandmother's sisters came and surprised her. She cried whenever they talked about it. It was a dinner and everybody told something they remembered about my grandparents. By the end practically all the women and some of the men, were crying. My grandpa couldn't be there because he has medical problems, which with everyone talking about things they remembered about him, it almost seemed like his funeral. I video taped it all because my mom couldn't be there. She was in California for a Karios Outside conference. She hated to miss it. She cried when she saw the video.
Bobby and I stayed for the rest of the week because we went with Deanna's family, 2 friends of theirs, Uncle Andy and Uncle Kevin down to Galveston. It was awesome! I finally got to see the ocean!! It was brown which kind of countered everything I've ever seen or heard about the ocean. I was expecting it to be blue. I didn't really want to think about why it was brown.
We had an adventure while we were at the beach. We got there and unloaded everything from the van and car. We got out all the towls and camera's and the cooler and everything else we thought we'd need. Right after we got everything on the beach, it started to sprinkle. So we gathered everything back up and the boys (John and Joel) put everything in the car. The adults had been having problems with losing the keys to the cars so Uncle Kevin decided that he was not going to lose the key to the car. So he tied it to the strings of his swimming trunks. Well it stopped sprinkling pretty soon and we went and played in the ocean. Then Deanna and I decided to get out for a while, and we thought it would be fun to bury Tanya in the sand. I wanted to get a picture of her, but my camera was in the car and the car was locked. So I went out to where Uncle Kevin and the others were and asked him for the key. He moved to where the water was about waist deep and proceeded to try untying the key. We kept getting hit by waves and He said "We would be in big trouble if I were to lose the key." No truer words were ever spoken come to find out. Right as he got it loose a wave hit and he lost the key. At first when we tried to get Aunt Mim and the others to help they thought we were joking. But after they saw us frantically feeling the sand between waves, they realized the horrible truth: the key was gone. We looked in the ocean for a while but soon realized that we would probably never find it. So the adults got out and went to go make phone calls to see if they could find someone to make a replacement. They found a lock smith to unlock the car so i got my camera out and started taking pictures. We kids went back to playing since there was nothing else we could do. Around 1 all of us except Aunt Mim, Ashley, and Tanya went to eat lunch with Kim. Aunt Mim and her crew went and got fast food and tried to find someone to make a key. The adults still hadn't found anyone that could make a key that worked. The dealership gave them 2 keys but neither of them worked. After lunch we went back to teh beach and just sat around. The kids were bored because we had been playing all morning and most of us were sunburned. Finally Aunt Mim found someone who could make a key. So the adults went back into the ocean to play around until he came. He got there around 5:30. So we finally had a key!! We stayed for another 30 minutes so that the adults could get some more time in the ocean. We were teasing Uncle Kevin about the key the rest of the weekend. It was a good Vacation.

No Air conditioning!!

So this week has defiantly been interesting ( to say the least). Uncle Steve has been seriously stressed out with the 2 weddings this week. Both of them are tomorrow. Hopefully the bride's will like the flowers because Uncle Steve and Rheana worked really hard on them. Today was kind of not fun cause the air conditioning was out in the shop. it was like 90 degrees in there!! Plus we had most of the flowers out of the cooler so they could see what they had. it felt like we were in the tropics with the humidity and the heat. It was awful! Thankfully the cooler was still working so whenever i got too hot i just went and stood in there for a while. It's 40 degrees so it felt gooood. But besides that it wasn't bad. I'm slowly learning more about how to deal with customers. I haven't messed up anything major...yet. ha ha. It would help if he would put prices on things!!!!! That's the only big problem i have. Cause i have no clue how much most things cost. I don't know how to price an arrangement. It's kind of complicated because it depends on what flowers are in it and how many of them there are in the arrangement. It's defiantly confusing! Tomorrow is our bball teams car wash. I pray we raise a lot of money. It would really help out, especially if we go to nationals again this year. I think the Varsity guys might be going this year too. That would be kind of cool. We'll just have to see. :)

Going crazy

So this week is absolutely crazy! Bobby is off camping with Mikey and Joey until Friday so I'm helping Uncle Steve in the flower shop all week. Things are crazy there. We have to big weddings on Saturday and a TON of funeral work! Apparently somebody really popular died because we have 13 orders for his funeral alone! So Uncle Steve is having to stay late tonight and do all those orders because he has to have them at the funeral by 1 tomorrow. It's crazy! And Today doing deliveries was fun. Two of the service elevators at BSA aren't working so by the time i got told that and figured out that the only one working was REALLY slow i had wasted 5 minutes. Then i got on the visitor elevators which are way faster. But the first delivery i had, the person wasn't there any more. So then i went to make the other one only to discover i had dropped the bow somewhere. So i called Uncle Steve and he found on the ground outside of the van. So I left the plant at the reception desk and went down and left the other delivery at the van and took the card back up. Then i found out it was in the new wing. But the nice nurse offered to take it over there for me because she was going that. I was so thankful for that. The rest of the time at the shop i was busy sweeping and taking boxes ans stuff out to the dumpster because we got a lot of orders in. *sighs* it was hectic. Tomorrow I'm Babysitting and Aunt Laura is going to help uncle Steve by taking deliveries after Kaytie's gymnastics. It will definitely be an interesting day and rest of the week. Oh and on Saturday I have a car wash for our basketball team ( it's at Chick Fil A the one by the walmart come by if you need your car washed!) the same day as the weddings. So bobby is going to have to help Uncle Steve with those. and then later that night we have to go to some kind of reach team thing. fun. I'm probably going to be so tired I'll fall asleep during it.

Chrysalis #104

The Chrysalis was AWESOME!!! God worked in soo many peoples lives! Not just the caterpillars. IT was sooo cool to see how God works in peoples lives. All of those girls are so special and it was amazing to see them finally understand how much God loves them! I will be praying for all of you! you guys rock! The weekend truly was life changing. We had several girls get saved and you could just see in their faces the way they glowed.... it was soo awesome! The weekend changed my life also. what is soo cool is that what i really needed to hear came from a caterpillar. It blew me away. I'm going to start living like i should. I know I've said that before and well.. I'm only human. But i know that i have people who will keep me to it this time. The team was awesome as well! They were there for me when i needed them. I love all you guys! But most of all I love GOD! He is so amazing and i know that no matter what I struggle with from now He'll be there. :)

Flowers and Life

So i went to work today and learned a spiritual lesson. Uncle Steve was teaching me how to design an arrangement. I was a little nervous because i was afraid that i would mess up so badly he'd have to throw away the flowers ( i'm not very good at cutting the steams). So while i was trying to design a thought came to me " as long as i do the arrangement from the instructions he gives me it will turn out alright." And then i realized how true that is in life. If we only would follow God's instructions then everything would turn out alright. But so many times we try to design our lives the way we think they should be. when really the way we are designing it, it will fall apart in a few hours. Just like arrangements. If you don't put the flowers in right then the flowers will start falling out and then you have a big mess. I've made a lot of "designing errors" in my life. So many times I've tried to do something my way and then watch it fall apart. But then when i do it God's way, it's so much better. Who knew that you could learn something from flowers?

Chrysalis

So I'm working a Chrysalis this weekend. It's going to be awesome! I get to be an Assistant Lay Director which is a very ummm how shall i put this? stressful job. I just hope i don't mess something up. Because i get to ring the bell to let everyone know when it's time to go or leave. Thankfully i won't be in charge of the watch though. KK is handling that. The only part that really stinks about me getting to go is that i am going to miss camp. :( The Chrysalis is the 10th to the 13th. It will end around 6:00pm. Camp is from the 13th to the 19th. They are leaving for camp around 1 pm on the 13th. If it wasn't for that and the money, i could go! So I'm not going to see them for a week and a half! *sigh* i suppose I'll survive. What really, really stinks though is that that same week Courtney is going to camp! But i guess God has a plan for this. I'm just going to have to wait and see

Ear pierced!

Today i got my ears pierced. YAY!!! It's pretty cool. It hurt when she first put it in my ear. But after about a minute the pain went away and it was ok. Getting them pierced was more expensive than we thought though. I thought that it was only going to be $14 because i'd seen promotional signs around the store before. So i agreed to pay $7, and my parents would pay $7. But as it turns out it was $38!!! So my parents wound up paying $31. Which kind of shocked us. We should've asked first how much it cost. But by that time my ears were all ready pierced, so it was too late. At least they're pierced now.
Bobby and I have been working at Zelsman's Florist for my Uncle Steve. We trade off days. We sweep the floors, scrub buckets, clean out the cooler, deliver flowers ( he drives we take the flowers in) and do whatever else needs to be done. It's a pretty good job. We get paid $10 a day. Which is more than i've ever been paid for a job. I'm learning a lot about flowers. They have the weirdest names! I can't even spell or pronounce most of them. You'd think they would name them something everyone can remember, but nooo! They have to think of THE most complicated names possible! Like on blooming plant names nepthitis. Who's going to rememember that?! The only reason i remember what's called is because it's a pretty popular plant and Uncle Steve uses it a lot.
I'll try to write more often now, but no promises!

Work

So lately I've been trying to decide where to apply for a job. I'm definitely NOT interested in fast food. I have some friends that work at McDonald's and they absolutely hate it. So i don't know if i want to apply somewhere at the mall or the library. They both have pros and cons but they are still way better that fast food. But since my uncle has offered my a job doing random stuff for him i don't think I'll worry about it too much. I'm soooooo enthused that Courtney gets to come! And it's only going to cost $232 for a round trip airplane ticket! We already have half that much. But Donations are accepted, we'll take checks but cash is preferable.

Sierra Jensen and Sage

So lately i've been reading the Sierra Jensen Series. It's pretty good. It's about a teen girl and her life. I can really relate to what she is going through. I can't wait to get the next volume from the library!! i also wouldn't mind getting those books as a birthday or Christmas present (hint hint). My trip last weekend to Sage was really good. I got to know the girls and ladies from my church better. I also decided to rededicate my life to Christ. It's hard to follow Him! But so worth it. :)